It was Thomas Wolfe who said you can’t go home again…but maybe he never went to his high school reunion. The truth is, there’s something to be said about being with friends who saw you live through heartbreak, braces and hallway gossip that makes for common ground – even after many years.
Just ask Carolyn Yim Spaeter, a graduate of Williamsville South High School, Class of 1975, who came all the way from Los Angeles to attend her 40th reunion last summer at The Saturn Club, along with 100 of her former classmates.
“I felt like time hadn’t stopped,” she said. “Yes, we were all older, but there were still strong connections. I felt a sense of safety and comfort being with old friends; these were people who knew my strengths and weaknesses, who knew me for many years. Our class was close; there was always a feeling of respect and care for each other.”
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Of course it’s not always easy getting to a reunion, even if you live closer than the West Coast. Life can get in the way.
“The timing worked out this time,” said Spaeter. “At one, I was pregnant; at another, I had work conflicts. With Facebook it was so much easier to connect, to reach out to people. I hadn’t been home since 1979 because my parents moved right after I graduated high school.”
Facebook and other social media can also create a sense of connection that precludes attending a reunion – some of the curiosity factor has gone away. But, said Spaeter, it’s ultimately shallow.
“I knew that just seeing people’s profiles wasn’t the same as talking to them face to face,” said Spaeter. “People can post anything on Facebook, but in person you can really make a true connection.”
Some connections can turn romantic. When John Farmelo attended his 35th Nichols reunion, he hadn’t seen Laura Hopkins since high school. He had known her since 5th grade when they attended ballroom dance classes together, but never dated in high school even though they frequently crossed paths.
“We had some arguments during classes,” mused Farmelo. “Laura had strong opinions; I can remember some really fun exchanges.”
Said Hopkins: “I was 18 when I left Buffalo, and I never had any intention of coming back. This was the first reunion I attended; I lived in Seattle and was newly divorced and a single mom. I didn’t even recognize John. In high school he had long hair — now he’s bald and shaves his head. We started talking and just hit it off. We made plans during the reunion weekend to go to Allentown Art Festival.”
But in a series of small high-school-like misunderstandings, each of them thought the other was cancellling.
“I thought she blew me off, but I finally said to Laura, what are you doing tomorrow?” John laughs. “We ended up skipping Allentown and went to the Albright Knox Art Gallery, where we were really able to connect on a more personal level.”
One week later, they met in Connecticut, where Hopkins’ mother lived. The rest is history.
“We did a long distance relationship for over a year,” said Hopkins. “He kind of swept me off my feet; we were having an adventure — there was so much fun and passion. There is something amazing about reconnecting with someone who knew you when you were young; it adds an extra dimension to our relationship. I went back and looked at what John said in our high school yearbook — he is still the same person.”
“There is something about that kind of connection, of sharing values as a couple that is different with someone from your past,” added Farmelo. “I remembered Laura’s sharp intellect; I knew her well — it creates an easy kind of comfort.”
Hopkins and Farmelo were married in August 2014 in an outdoor ceremony at the Nichols School. She wore a wedding dress and cowboy boots, and after a champagne toast, they rode off on Farmelo’s motorcycle to The Sportsman’s Tavern, where Farmelo’s band played at the reception.
“It was a fresh start with a man I love so deeply,” said Hopkins.
While not all reunion stories have a romantic ending, even the most ambivalent acknowledge the unexpected connections that can occur. Lori Friedman, who lives in Cleveland and has attended her 20th and 30th reunion, admits she was somewhat reluctant about attending her reunions, but said ultimately it was rewarding.
“I found myself talking to people I didn’t know well in high school — I had some great conversations with people I thought I had nothing in common with — but I was wrong. In fact, I wondered why we hadn’t been friends in high school! There were also old friends that I wished I had stayed more in touch with,” said Friedman.
As part of the reunion weekend, classmates were invited to take a tour of Williamsville South High School, where nostalgia and mixed memories invited new conversations. “Visiting the high school was a great equalizer,” said Friedman. “It didn’t matter who you were walking next to — people played off each other’s memories. We laughed over the fact that there was a smoking lounge; we looked for our lockers. It was nostalgic, but it also brought people together.”
Spaeter agreed.
“I think there is something special about old friends, and reunions are a perfect place to rediscover them,” said Spaeter. “We go to high school reunions so that we never lose sight of how we came to be who we are today.”
