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Super Bowl vs. Academy Awards

The world will soon gather on a wintry Sunday evening to watch the ultimate champion crowned in a spectacular display of thrilling highs and agonizing defeats. Also, the Super Bowl will be played. Both the Super Bowl (Feb. 3) and the Academy Awards (Feb. 24) have become must-watch events, worthy of packed-house parties with table-length spreads. But which showcase gives you more bang for your buck?

Let’s stack the Vince Lombardi Trophy against the little bald guy, Oscar.

Pregame Presentation

Advantage: Oscars

Both events present entirely too-long pregame shows, but the Oscars red carpet ceremony is a perennial powerhouse display of awkward interviews, Hollywood hotties and unaffordable clothing. I love when people are asked who they are wearing. I only get asked “what” I’m wearing, followed by disapproving looks. “My t-shirt is Hanes and the jeans were my brother’s.”

Gambling

Advantage: Push

Trillions of dollars will be wagered on every punt, pass and catch in the big game, but you get a full Oscars experience when you care to make it more interesting. Aside from the obvious bets placed on category winners, you can have fun betting on the over/under of speech times. Hold a dollar up and guess the designer. Double down on the last person to appear in the memorandum montage. Football has squares pools, but you can make Academy Award bingo boards. When you get creative, everyone wins...except for the people who lose.

Action

Advantage: Super Bowl

Even if you don’t like football, it’s slightly more exciting than a bunch of ridiculously beautiful people thanking a bunch of other people you don’t know. Sure, during a four-hour football game there’s only, like, 12 minutes of actual football. And, yes, there’s a 20-minute video challenge to almost every single play, and you never really know if you can celebrate a moment anymore because there’s a good chance it will be ruined by replay. And sure, everyone at your party is more interested in the commercials than the score. I can’t remember what point I was trying to make.

Postgame Report

Advantage: Oscars

Our local team has kind of eliminated any desire I have to listen to football analysis. How many different ways can you opine on why a pigskin should’ve been pushed into a different place than where the large men pushed it? Super yawn! But, if you want to argue with me over whether or not Bjork’s swan dress was sophisticated or stupid, I will put on a pot of coffee and throw down.

The Winner?

Me, because there will be snacks. And, if you’re not calling your Academy Award party snacks “Oscar noms,” you’re doing it wrong!

Games for the games

You shouldn’t have to watch three-plus hours of speeches—or replays—without “medication.” Here’s a drinking game for each event to make the pomp more palatable. Please imbibe responsibly.

Go home Oscar, you’re drunk!

  • Take a sip every time...a joke bombs or “There’s Scorsese!”
  • Drink every time....someone cries or there's a foreign language acceptance speech
  • Gulp every time...you’ve seen the movie or someone falls (on TV or at your party)
  • Chug every time...there's awkward dancing or “There’s WNY Native William Fichtner!”

Shots to the End Zone

  • Take a sip every time...there's a commercial for a Superhero movie or the announcer says the word “compete”
  • Drink every time...there's a blimp cam shot or the announcer says the phrase “we talked about this”
  • Gulp every time...“That guy’s leg isn’t supposed to bend that way!” or the announcer says the phrase “establish the run”
  • Chug every time...you realize you aren’t watching the game and don’t know the score or “Wide right” reference!

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